


Such a Pretty Thing to be Running from Anyone

by WickerPrince



Series: Ryden Angst Fest [3]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angry Brendon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, More angst, in which only Ryan left the band, maybe this one will end in fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 08:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10408536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickerPrince/pseuds/WickerPrince
Summary: yay more terribleness. I actually really like writing these so im not going to stop. hope you're enjoying. I know BCM is ;)





	1. You Either Love it or Guess You Don't

_ You've got these little things _

_ That you've been running from _

_ You either love it or guess you don't _

_ You're such a pretty thing _

_ To be running from anyone _

_ A vision with nowhere to go _

 

Okay, let’s get one thing straight, Ryan isn’t. 

 

Sure he acts straight (as straight as he can with Brendon’s act he pulls every time they’re on stage together), but he isn’t. Far from it actually. In fact, the only person less straight than Ryan has got to be Brendon Urie himself.

 

And that’s the exact reason he’s decided to leave the band. Don’t get me wrong, Ryan loves the band. He loves performing with Brendon, and even the little act Brendon always puts on, but it’s simply too much. Pretending to be gay for a friend is one thing, but actually being gay for him is another.

 

Ryan had called a band meeting a few days after the tour, said it was urgent and that they were all to meet up with him at his house.

 

So here they were, sitting in Ryan’s living room. Brendon had sat just beside Ryan, for obvious reasons. Ryan was his favourite after all. Dallon and Spencer sat on the other couch, far enough that they weren’t touching but too close to be anything but gay for each other. 

 

“Ryan, what the fuck is the point of this ‘meeting’. Some people actually have lives.” Brendon complained, huffing quietly. 

 

“Yeah? What life do you have, Bren?” Ryan shot back, raising a brow with a subtle smirk on his face. 

 

“I was referring to Dallon and Spencer.” Brendon defended. 

 

“But I agree with Brendon, why are we here? Is someone dying? Did we lose our record deal?” Dallon inquired, resting his elbows on his knees.

 

“Well...no, not exactly.” Ryan sighed, taking a moment before just blurting it out. “I’m leaving the band.”

 

The room was silent for a full minute before Brendon shrieked; “Leaving the band?” 

 

Ryan nodded slowly, taking in Brendon’s expression. He was angry, that was clear enough. But there was something else there. Hurt? Disappointment? Both?

“But...you...I thought...you...we…” Brendon stammered, looking around the room at the other band members for help.

 

“I’m sorry, Brendon, but I really need to do this.” Ryan said quietly, being careful. He didn’t know what Brendon would try to do. 

 

“Why the hell are you just suddenly up and leaving?” Brendon shouted. “Did we do something wrong? Did  _ I  _ do something wrong?” 

 

Ryan sighed quietly. “Guys,” he said and directed his attention to Spencer and Dallon, “give us a minute?”

 

The two men nodded and stood, leaving the room. Once they were out of earshot, Ryan turned back to Brendon, who was now practically steaming from the ears.

 

“Listen,” he began, but Brendon stood, towering over Ryan.

 

“No, you listen. You can’t just leave. We’ve worked too hard! We-we...how could you! Why are you doing this! Why would you do this to Spencer, and Dallon! Why would you do this to  _ me _ !” These weren’t questions. Ryan knew that. But he had to answer anyway. Vaguely, of course. He didn’t want Brendon to know anything he wasn’t supposed to.

 

“Brendon, listen to me, I don’t  _ want  _ to leave you guys. Trust me, I love being in the band, but-”

 

“Then why are you?” Brendon interrupted.

 

Ryan took a breath, placing a hand on Brendon’s shoulder. This normally calmed him down, at least a little bit. “But,” he continued, “I’ve just...got some things to sort out, okay?”

 

“Oh yeah, that makes me feel a Hell of a lot fucking better.” snapped Brendon. “What kind of ‘things’?”

 

“One of the other band members...Bren, I’ve got a special kind of feeling. And I don’t want to jeopardise a friendship, or a relationship, and I certainly don’t want to put the future of the band at risk because of my stupid feelings. Please, try to understand, Bren.”

 

Brendon opened his mouth, eyes narrowing slowly. “So you’re running away? You’re running away from things that might not even happen? Because you’re, what? Scared?”

 

Ryan nodded again. As much as he hated to admit it, Brendon was right. Ryan was running. He was running from problems that might never arise. He was running from his feelings because he didn’t know how to deal with them.

 

“Fine. Go. I don’t care, Ryan. I don’t care what you do. Run away, Ryan. Run away from things that aren’t avoidable. Leave your best friend behind. Leave me behind. I don’t care.” Brendon growled as he began to walk toward the door.

 

Ryan frowned, following him. “Brendon-”

 

Brendon turned around, his eyes blazing with anger. Ryan saw a hint of tears building up behind that anger. “Go fuck yourself, Ryan Ross.”

  
Ryan shrunk back at the words. They stabbed into his heart like a knife. Brendon twisted that knife further when he said; “and don’t try to call me.” With that, Brendon was out of the room and slamming the front door behind him. 


	2. So Tell Me Right Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> awe, Ryan and Brendon are clueless pieces of shit :)

_ So tell me right now _

_ You think you're ready for it _

_ I wanna know _

_ Why you got me going _

_ So let's go _

_ We'll take it out of here _

_ I think I'm ready to leave _

_ I'm ready to live _

 

“You think I overreacted?” Brendon asked, breaking the awkward silence that filled the car. Spencer glanced back from his place in the driver’s seat. 

 

“I know you overreacted, Brendon.” he said, turning his eyes forward again. “I understand why you’re hurt, and it’s fine to be angry at him, but seriously? How do you think he must feel?” 

 

Brendon sighed, looking out the window. “I know...I just don’t want him to leave.”

 

“Yeah, we got that.” Dallon joked.

 

Spencer shot him a look that shut him right up. “Listen, Brendon, you’ve gotta try to see it from his point of view. He said that he’s got feelings for someone in the band, right? That he didn’t want to put that friendship in jeopardy? Maybe he’s just scared and he needs time to think about what he wants to do. It’s not your fault.”

 

“Although,” Dallon added, “with the way you acted back there, he might never want to come back.” 

 

Brendon groaned, burying his face in his hands. “How stupid do you have to be to say that shit to your best friend?”

 

“Pretty damn stupid.” Spencer admitted. 

 

/////

 

Ryan had been staring at his phone for hours, waiting for Brendon to call. To say he was sorry. Brendon said he didn’t want Ryan to contact him, so he wouldn’t. He would stick by that promise. However, Brendon never said anything about him contacting Ryan. 

 

Just as Ryan was about to give up, Brendon’s picture illuminated the screen of his phone. Ryan scrambled to pick it up, slowly bringing it to his ear. 

 

“Brendon?”

 

“Hey, Ryan.” Brendon said, his voice more mechanical than usual. Phone calls did that.

 

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.” Ryan said, getting up and pacing around the room.

 

“I realised I was being stupid.” a sigh came through the line, making Ryan smile a little. “I overreacted.” 

 

“You got that right.” Ryan said, chuckling softly.

 

“Not to say that I’m not pissed as all Hell, but I just...can you explain a little more about  _ why  _ you’re all of a sudden deciding to leave?”

 

Ryan sighed quietly, his smile dropping from his face. “I already told you, Brendon.”

 

“I know, I heard you, but I kinda need more information.” Brendon said.

 

Ryan sat back down and looked up at the ceiling. “Well...there’s this guy...and he’s really amazing. He’s really happy and he’s got the brightest smile in the world. He’s a really big part of the band, and he’s the biggest dork in the world. He’s really smart, even if he doesn’t know it. He makes my day better by just being there. He makes my heart melt and he never makes me feel bad on purpose. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me, y’know? Have you ever felt like that about someone?”

 

It was Brendon’s turn to sigh. “Yeah...I do. I know exactly what’s that like.” he said. Ryan could imagine him sitting on his bed with that dreamy look in his eyes that he seemed to get whenever he thought Ryan wasn’t looking.

 

“And...you can see why I’d want to leave? To avoid all the things I told you about?” Ryan asked, hope filling his voice.

 

“I can, Ryan. I get it. And...whatever you decide to do...I hope you succeed. I just want you to know that there’s always a spot in the band for you.” Brendon said. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

 

Ryan smiled a little. He really hoped Brendon meant it, and it wasn’t just an empty promise. “Good night, Bren.”

  
“Night, Ry.” 


	3. Get Me Out of My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> turns out this isn't as angsty as I intended it to be. whoops. hope you're not heartborken ;)

_ I'm ready to go _

_ Get me out of my mind _

_ Get me out of my mind _

_ I'm ready to go _

_ Oh, oh, oh _

 

‘Running away’ hadn’t solved anything, Ryan soon discovered. Not a week after he’d left and he was already having dreams about Brendon. Sometimes he would see the other man on the bus, or standing in his kitchen. It was all a load of bullshit though, because every time Ryan blinked, Brendon was gone.

 

Eventually, it became too much. Ryan began to drown his thoughts and feelings in liquor. Any kind of liquor he could find. Vodka, beer, gin, whiskey, tequila. Anything. The photos of Brendon that kept popping up on his Facebook, Instagram or even his own camera roll weren’t helping in the least.

 

This night was just like the rest of them, Ryan knocking back whiskey shots at the bar, his eyes focused on the television that always seemed to play anything and everything that reminded Ryan of Brendon.

 

Ryan groaned softly at the pounding in his head but ordered himself three more shots in hopes that it would make the throbbing go away. Or at least make him pass out. That would be acceptable as well.

 

“Hey, you might wanna slow down there, bud.” said Spencer. Hold on...when did Spencer get there?

 

“Spencer? Jesus Christ, when did you get here?” Ryan asked, his words slurred slightly.

 

“I’ve been here for about ten minutes. I was hoping you would notice me but it looks like you’ve got a new best friend.” Spencer joked. “Why haven’t you called? I miss you, buddy.”

 

Ryan smiled a little, forcing it slightly. “I’ve been...busy. With things.” he said.

 

“Busy with drinks.” Spencer corrected and motioned to the six empty shot glasses in front of Ryan.

 

Ryan flashed a guilty smile. “It’s been harder than I thought to get him outta my mind.” 

 

“Who? Brendon?” Spencer asked. “Because let me tell you, Ryan, it hasn’t been easy on him either. Every morning he wakes up and says ‘I wonder what Ryan wants for breakfast’. Man...the look he gets when he remembers you’re not there...heartbreaking.”

 

Ryan’s heart sank at that. He turned to face Spencer properly. “What do you mean?” 

 

“What do you mean what do I mean? Brendon is heartbroken, Ryan. Absolutely heartbroken.” Spencer explained, shaking his head. “I don’t even think he wants to go on tour anymore. You know how much he loves that, seeing the fans and everything.” 

 

Ryan nodded, letting out a sigh and letting his head drop onto the bar. “I’m such an idiot.” 

 

“Maybe a little bit.” Spencer agreed.

 

“What do I do?” Ryan turned his head to Spencer.

  
“Call him.”


	4. You Either Get It or Guess You Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ here's another one. Are you enjoying this? I'm enjoying this. I'm not going to stop. It's the only thing keeping me from going insane in this hell hole.

_ You got these little things _

_ You wanted something for them _

_ You either get it or guess you won't _

_ Well does it really mean _

_ To get nothing from anyone _

_ There's a million ways it could go _

 

“Bren?” Ryan asked, hearing the familiar sound of Brendon shouting for everyone to be quiet.

 

“Hey, Ryan. What’s up? You haven’t talked to me for a while, though you might’ve lost my number again.” Brendon replied with a chuckle.

 

“Nope, haven’t lost your number, just haven’t had time to call.” Ryan let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. “But, I did need to talk to you. Do you have any down time you’d be willing to spare?”

 

“Yes. Right now, in fact.” Brendon said. It wasn’t a complete lie. He wasn’t doing anything right in that moment.

 

“Really? Perfect. Can I meet you somewhere?” asked Ryan, his smile growing. 

 

“Yeah, meet me at that little coffee place near your house. I’ll see you in like, ten minutes.” Brendon said, almost exploding with excitement.

  
Ryan managed to get in a small ‘see you soon’ before Brendon hung up. He took a deep breath, pulled on his shoes and a jacket and headed outside, pushing every thought that this was a bad idea out of his head.

 

/////

 

Nine minutes later (yes, Ryan checked each minute as it passed), Ryan was sitting in front of Brendon, small coffee resting between his hands. Brendon stared back at him, his own drink - hot chocolate - resting on the table in front of him. 

 

“You gonna talk or are you just gonna sit there?” Brendon asked, his tone only half joking.

 

“Right, sorry, I uh...sorry.” Ryan stammered out. He’d been so immersed in Brendon’s eyes he had completely forgotten what he had brought him here for. “Bren, I gotta tell you something. And when I do, you have to promise that you’re not going to freak out, or cut me out of your life, okay?   
  


Brendon nodded slowly, his expression growing skeptical. “Ryan, is everything okay?”

 

Ryan nodded, then shook his head, then nodded again. “I don’t know. I mean, I just, please don’t flip out.” he stammered.

 

Brendon nodded again and waited for Ryan to continue.

 

“Brendon, I’ve known you a long time, right? And throughout that time, you kinda became my best friend and...well, I  _ thought _ you were like my brother. But I was wrong. You’re not my brother, no matter how obnoxious you can be. You’re like...you’re just...Brendon, I…” Ryan groaned, burying his face in his hands. 

 

Brendon frowned, moving into the seat beside Ryan and wrapping his arm around the taller’s shoulders. “Ryan, it’s okay. I’m not gonna freak out if you tell me. I’m your best friend. And...brother? But, I’m not your brother?”

 

“No, Bren, I thought you were my brother. But you’re not. You’re my best friend and I uh...I love you?” Ryan finally managed, looking up at Brendon. 

 

The man’s expression was blank, and Ryan began to panic (again, pun definitely intended). He’d fucked up. He’d ruined their friendship. Brendon was never going to speak to him again and they’d lose contact and he wouldn’t be able to come back to the band, not to mention never seeing Brendon or Spencer or Dallon ever again.

 

“Ryan, hey, you paying attention?” asked Brendon as he snapped his fingers in front of Ryan’s face. 

 

“Wha-?” Ryan jumped, his eyes flickering back to Brendon’s face. “I’m...sorry, Brendon. I shouldn’t have told you that.”

 

“Ryan, don’t be sorry.” Brendon laughed softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Ryan’s lips. “I love you too.”

 

“Can I join the band again?” Ryan asked, letting his face flush red.

 

“Of course.” Brendon replied and pressed another kiss to Ryan’s lips, letting the other kiss back. 

  
**End**


End file.
